- Get your assertiveness quotient right! There is an optimal level of assertiveness, especially if you’re a leader. Too much or too little assertiveness and you’re seen as less effective by others. In fact, research suggests that getting the assertiveness quotient wrong is one of the main mistakes that aspiring leaders make.
- People who are assertive experience less anxiety. It makes sense that when we feel freely able to express our opinion, needs and desires that there is less opportunity for frustrations to build and create anxieties which can result in aggression. A significantly different picture is presented for those who lack key assertiveness skills. A non-assertive person is likely to be more neutral, have high levels of anxiety associated with concerns about his or her interpersonal interactions, and may not be able to create logical goals to strive towards. They are more likely to have significant levels of anxiety.
- Context matters. Research shows us that when it comes to being on the receiving end of assertive behaviour context is key. You might be surprised to learn that when we assess how assertive others are and how appropriate their behaviour is we tend to factor into the equation matters such as sex, race, empathy and assertiveness level.
- Control yourself! “Assertiveness is about controlling your behavior, not someone else’s.” Columbia University’s Randy J Peterson explains, “When we behave assertively, we are able to acknowledge our own thoughts and wishes honestly, without the expectation that others will automatically give in to us. We express respect for the feelings and opinions of others without necessarily adopting their opinions or doing what they expect or demand. This does not mean that we become inconsiderate to the wishes of others. We listen to their wishes and expectations, then we decide whether or not to go along with them. We might choose to do so even if we would prefer to do something else. But it is our choice. Whenever we go along with others it is our decision to do so anyway. But we can often feel helpless because we forget that we are under our own control.”
- Assertiveness can lower levels of stress and depression. Research suggests a link between lower levels of assertiveness and stress and depression. Research with certain professional groups, such as student nurses has highlighted that when vulnerability such as social anxiety is present, student nurses are more susceptible to depression when they lack essential assertiveness skills.
- When it comes to Facebook, women are no less assertive than men. In a study of over 15000 Facebook users, researchers found that, although women tended to be warmer in their interactions, they were no less assertive. Language used more by females was warmer, more compassionate, polite, and—contrary to previous findings—slightly more assertive in their language use, whereas language used more by males was colder, more hostile, and impersonal.
- How women can avoid being judged negatively for being assertive. When it comes to asserting themselves verbally, research shows us that women are often penalised and described as overshooting the assertiveness quotient. However, recent research suggests that when women adopt more subtle, non-verbal demonstrations of assertiveness such as expansive posturing, proximity, speaking loudly or interrupting, such behaviour is perceived to be more acceptable. So if in doubt, exercise your non-verbal assertiveness skills.
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