Have you ever wondered whether you are truly assertive? Do you wonder if you're passive? Or have a sneaking suspicion you might be aggressive or something even worse? Maybe you're curious about the psychology of your behaviour when communicating with others? Our short assertiveness assessment will help you determine whether you are:
Assertive
Aggressive
Passive
Passive Aggressive
To find out your default assertiveness style, answer the questions below. When responding to the questions please go with your first response, or the response that sounds the most like 'you'. If you are struggling and find yourself thinking of different responses in different scenarios, go with the response that you would give if you were at home (and not at work) as this will best represent what is most typically you. Try to be 100% honest in your responses.
Our test is free, it's anonymous and it's quick!
At the end of the assessment, based upon your responses you will receive:
An outline of your assertiveness style
what this means for your assertiveness
Guidance on areas of development for you
When I am in a large group I
When I speak with someone else
If I disagree with someone
When I use social media I
You are having dinner with a friend. Your meal arrives and it is partly frozen in the middle. You
You are out with a colleague who makes a joke at your expense. Do you
It's Friday night and you're leaving work for drinks with friends. Someone asks you to complete a last minute task. Do you
When you say 'No' do people
You describe yourself as
At work you're asked to contribute to a new project. You
You pay for something in a shop and notice they've given you the incorrect change. Do you
You ask for holiday leave at work but someone else asks for the same day. Do you
You have been working really hard on a piece of work but no one seems to have noticed. Do you
Sometimes the only way to get what you want is to raise your voice. You believe
When I stand up for myself I feel
You phone a friend to talk but they are busy. Do you
You try something on in a shop and the salesperson tells you how good it looks. You think it looks awful, do you
You get the blame for something you haven't done at work. Do you
You're in the supermarket and someone jumps in front of you. Do you
Your friend has borrowed an item of clothing and hasn't returned it. Do you
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Mostly As: Aggressive
If your answers were mostly As indicating your behaviour can sometimes be aggressive. Being assertive is an important communication skill which can reduce your levels of depression and anxiety and improve your self esteem. Assertiveness is a way of communicating that expresses your needs, opinions and emotions while respecting the rights of others. It is different to aggressive behaviour which violates the rights of others. Aggressive behaviour can damage your relationships with others. Soften your style by following our development tips below.
Here are some tips for practicing being assertive:
State your point of view or request clearly.
Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can, and remember to listen to what they say as well.
Tone and volume of voice: how you say it is as important as what you say. Speak at a normal conversation volume, rather than a shout, and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive.
Make sure your body language matches - your listener will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor. Try to look the other person in the eye, stand tall, and relax your face.
Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never. For example: You are 20 minutes late and it is the third time this week, rather than: You are always late!
Try to speak with facts rather than judgements. For example: This report has important information missing, rather than you have done a bad job again.
Use 'I Statements' as much as possible, to tell the other person how you feel rather than be accusing. For example: When you leave your dishes on the table, I feel frustrated because I don't like the mess but don't want to clean it up for you, rather than: You're such a pig!
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which requires you to practice in many different situations. And don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!
Find ways to de-stress. When you're stressed self regulation goes out of the window and feeling angry becomes our go to response. Check out our blogs and resources on stress management.
Mostly Bs Passive
You scored mostly Bs indicating your behaviour is often passive. Passive communication is:
Not speaking up for yourself, either because you think your views don't matter or for reasons like trying to please everyone or 'keep the peace'
Putting your needs behind the needs of others
Allowing yourself to be bullied or ignored
Often involves speaking quietly or with a hesitating voice, or with body-language like looking at the floor or shrugging the shoulders
You may undermine your opinions with passive phrases such as: only if you don't mind, or: but it really doesn't matter that much to me.
Passive communication can be uncomfortable, damaging to your self- esteem, and also to relationships. If you use a passive communication style, others are more likely to ignore your needs, which may leave you feeling hurt or even angry with them for not treating you better. Being assertive is an important communication skill which can reduce your levels of depression and anxiety and improve your self esteem. Assertiveness is a way of communicating that expresses your needs, opinions and emotions while respecting the rights of others. It is different to passive behaviour which violates your own rights but respects the rights of others. You know you've got so much to offer and something to say so let's get your assertiveness on!
Here are some tips for practicing being assertive:
State your point of view or request clearly.
Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can, and remember to listen to what they say as well.
Tone and volume of voice: how you say it is as important as what you say. Speak at a normal conversation volume, rather than a shout or whisper, and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive.
Make sure your body language matches - your listener will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor. Try to look the other person in the eye, stand tall, and relax your face.
Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never . For example: You are 20 minutes late and it is the third time this week, rather than: You are always late!
Try to speak with facts rather than judgements. For example: This report has important information missing, rather than you have done a bad job again.
Use 'I Statements' as much as possible, to tell the other person how you feel rather than be accusing. For example: When you leave your dishes on the table, I feel frustrated because I don't like the mess but don't want to clean it up for you, rather than: You're such a pig!
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which requires you to practice in many different situations. And don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!
Mostly Cs Assertive
If your answers were mainly Cs it suggest that you have a good grasp of assertiveness and use your skills on a regular basis. Think of assertiveness as the halfway point between passive and aggressive - just the right balance! You recognise the rights and responsibilities towards yourself AND others when being assertive.
Here are some tips to help you continue to develop your assertiveness:
State your point of view or request clearly.
Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can, and remember to listen to what they say as well.
Tone and volume of voice: how you say it is as important as what you say. Speak at a normal conversation volume, rather than a shout or whisper, and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive.
Make sure your body language matches - your listener will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor. Try to look the other person in the eye, stand tall, and relax your face.
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which requires you to practice in many different situations. And don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!
Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never . For example: You are 20 minutes late and it is the third time this week, rather than: You are always late!
Try to speak with facts rather than judgements. For example: This report has important information missing, rather than you have done a bad job again.
Use 'I Statements' as much as possible, to tell the other person how you feel rather than be accusing. For example: When you leave your dishes on the table, I feel frustrated because I don't like the mess but don't want to clean it up for you, rather than: You're such a pig!
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which requires you to practice in many different situations. And don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!
Mostly Ds Passive Aggressive
You scored mostly Ds which suggests your behaviour is sometimes passive aggressive. People with passive-aggressive behavior express their negative feelings subtly through their actions instead of handling them directly. This creates a separation between what they say and what they do.
For example, say someone proposes a plan at work. A person with passive-aggressive behavior may oppose the plan, but instead of voicing their opinion, they say that they agree with it. Since they're actually against the plan, however, they resist following it. They may purposely miss deadlines, turn up late to meetings, and undermine the plan in other ways.
You might find yourself rolling your eyes or tutting when others speak, using sarcasm (yeah right) yawning theatrically or sighing rather than communicating your real feelings. Whilst passive aggressive behaviour may help you let off steam in the short term it can be destructive to relationships both at work and at home. You may be unaware that you are using this behaviour, so here's a checklist. Do you:
frequently criticise or protest
find yourself being disagreeable or irritable
procrastinating or being forgetful
performing tasks inefficiently
acting hostile or cynically
acting stubbornly
blaming others
complaining about being unappreciated
displaying resentment over the demands of others
If you answered yes to the checklist and even if you didn't here are some tips for brushing up on your assertiveness:
State your point of view or request clearly.
Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can, and remember to listen to what they say as well.
Tone and volume of voice: how you say it is as important as what you say. Speak at a normal conversation volume, rather than a shout or whisper, and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive.
Make sure your body language matches - your listener will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor. Try to look the other person in the eye, stand tall, and relax your face.
Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never . For example: You are 20 minutes late and it is the third time this week, rather than: You are always late!
Try to speak with facts rather than judgements. For example: This report has important information missing, rather than you have done a bad job again.
Use 'I Statements' as much as possible, to tell the other person how you feel rather than be accusing. For example: When you leave your dishes on the table, I feel frustrated because
I don't like the mess but don't want to clean it up for you, rather than: You're such a pig!
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which requires you to practice in many different situations. And don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!
Find ways to de-stress. When you're stressed self regulation goes out of the window and feeling angry becomes our go to response. Check out our blogs and resources on stress management.
